Louise Osborne - Online Memorial Website

Mom,

It is me.  I wish you were here to talk to today.  So much is going on that I want to talk to you about.  Rose had a stroke and she is missing you so much.  It is hard to visit her, parking in the same place, walking the same halls, and not knowing what to say or what is going to happen next.  

I always grieve the most this time of year.  I look at the calendar every day and wait for the 24th to come.  This year is the 5th anniversary.  It doesn't get easier. 

This year, Rose has been sick and in the hospital or nursing home almost the same time that you were.  She has missed the spring flowers blooming and the green leaves coming on the trees.  She missed the redbuds and dogwoods, and now she is not seeing and smelling your favorite lilacs bloom.  
Doris has had such a rough year.  Every day is such a struggle for her.  It breaks my heart.  We take things like breathing freely for granted.  David takes care of her the best he can.

Mamaw is still hanging in there, but she is also disappearing.  I don't know what is in her mind, but I know she sees a world of strangers. 

Don has better days than others.  He has worked on getting all those aches and pains taken care of...things you tried your best to get him to do.  He still talks to you.  He keeps your car running and clean.  He misses you.

Every year that I can, when my lilac blooms, I pick you a little bunch and take them to the cemetery.  I know that your spirit and laughter are not there, but I take them anyway.  You are due a bouquet any day now.  When I start smelling their sweetness filling the air, I miss you so much.  
I love you.  I wish I could talk to you and tell you I love you again.  I miss your laugh so much.  You will never die in my heart. 

"Tomorrow is just over the horizon."

Where do I go when all I can do is run? What do I say when all I can manage is a strangled sob? What do I do when I can't.......breathe? It seems like I....don't.....understand. Tommorrow seems so far away. But tommorrow is just over the horizon. Just behind the sun. And tomorrow is beautiful. And safe. And perfect. Doesn't perfect sound nice? Well I'm sure your up there partying the days away. Laughter is always present there. And happiness. Save some cake for me Weesie! I love you so very much. No words can describe. But I am sure that you know.
                                           Memories
                                              Happiness
                                                   Remembrance.
                                                          Much Love
                                                                Natalie

Dear Wease,
  This is the third time I wrote this. All the other times it didn't seem right. So here it goes. Third times a charm. I just had to type this in pink. It feels like there is and was no light. Like any trace is in the black folds of loss and buried deep in pain and misery. Like it is all ready dark and the stars and moon refuse to come out and there are constantly rainstorms. We may forget but it is never lost. Then one day it unexpectedly comes rushing to the surface. Then it hits us.And although you keep a straight face, inside you can't help but cry and cry and cry. Did you get a laptop? You should e-mail me. Or call me. I'd like that. Are you coming to my musical? I got a solo! I am so excited! It just won't be the same without you.  No I am going to get up there and put on the show of my life. While you are doing your part of course. Your part is coming. And you will be there. Right? I remember the summer you gave us tattoes. They refused to come off. So we had to walk around with tattoed arms and faces. Looking back now I don't mind. I think that was the best summer ever. No. I know that was the best summer ever. Recently I wrote a paper on my inspirations. Even though you are not on the paper you are in my heart.   I mean who needs paper when we have computer. Sorry, joking is my way of dealing with it. It is so much better than crying for the rest of my life. Well I will see talk to you later. I love you!!!!!!!!!!!

                               Natalie

I miss you mom and I love you.  Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday Wease!!!

I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you today. I stop by here quite often but can't seem to find the words to write when I visit. I miss you and I love you but I find some sense of peace in knowing that you are in such a beautiful place where no worries or pain exists. It's your day and I'm sure that no present upon Earth can equal singing with the other Angels while God smiles upon you. You're in my thoughts, and in my heart, today and always.

Hey Weasie.  Two whole years have passed since we watched you dance home.  I so very selfishly miss you with every ounce of my being.  There is such a hole for all of us without you.  I miss you and I love you. 

Hi Mom,

 

I keep thinking about what Scott told me about grieving.  He says that if you have problems dealing with the pains of grief after a year that you might should talk to someone about it.  He says that the first year you allow yourself to feel anything and accept that it is alright.  Some days are really long and I think about you time after time.  I know that it is selfish of me to wish that you were here with me instead of in Heaven with God.  When my heart is about to explode I think about how you taught yourself to deal with things without crying too much.  I try to do it too.  I still bring you up in conversations everytime I talk to someone and I say things about your dying and how I miss you.  I don't know if I get people down or leave them at a loss for words, but I can't stop.  My heart aches because I keep thinking that I will NEVER see you on this earth again if I live to be 100.  I just miss you.  I hear you say things to me and the names you called me in my mind.  I am afraid of forgetting the sound.  Ask God to help me find my direction and to lead me.  I love you.

Hey, sis.  Well it's been a whole year now. It feels like only yesterday.  I miss you so much.  I'm sitting here having coffee with you, remembering Sundays at Mom's.  God I wish you were really here with me.  Instead I'm looking at a picture of you with that beautiful smile.  I need your laugh to go with it.  I think of you every day.  This is the first time I miss living across the street from the beach, cause I'd walk over there and sit and cry all day.  Here I have to get dressed and drive and I don't even feel like doing that.   I just feel like getting back in bed and just burying myself in the covers.  I just love and miss you so much.  I know Don, Anita, Dave, Stace and sweet little Natalie are having a hard time dealing with today.  Everybody that ever knew you is.  You are loved and missed by so many people.  I hope you know how much we all love you even though it was never said enough.  I found some pictures from Dec. 22,2001 at your old house. You were in the floor opening presents with Natalie and Ethan.  You were laughing and having so much fun. I also found the one where you were feeding Kiera lemon at one of Mom's birthday parties.  She loved it.  Remember when I rode the horse in Jeans yard and it pooped .You took a picture of me with a shovel cleaning it up and put it in a frame for me.  I've also got one of you and Stacy sitting on a big snail at Kings Island.  That was years ago. I need you so much.  I planted a gardenia by my patio.  It smells so wonderful when it blooms.  I did'nt know it was your favorite flower.  I keep forgetting your gone and I see something and want to send you a picture..  Well I guess I should go and face this miserable day without you.  I love you .  My heart aches so much and there is such a huge hole in it.  I know you're happy in Heaven.  I hope to join you there and we can laugh together again.  I love you.  I just can't say it enough.

"Wease...I want you to know that I love,and miss you and that I know we will alawys be together and all I want to do is cry and cry and cry,you've been gone so long but still,I know that we will be together again one day,but I still wonder how long that will be,but still,I love you wherever you are I still love and miss you wherever you are I'm  right by your side,

                                                           NATALE

Hey Weasie.  It's been almost 9 months and you are never far from my thoughts.  I was just thinking of you tonight as I sat down to do some homework.  At weird times you just take over and I can't move on.  I need to stop and reflect on you and let my heart break a little for a time, shed some tears and then I have to sweep it all under the rug and pretend that I'm doing okay.  And honestly, I guess for the most part I do manage to get by.  But for the last several days there has been such a heavy burden resting on my heart and I just wish that last year never did happen.  My heart breaks for Don and for Anita and I don't know how to deal with you being gone.  I miss you so much, Wease.  How could this have happened?  I still wait for you to call and I can't honestly believe that we'll never chat again.  I just want to see you, to talk to you one more time . . .

Hey Wease.  I haven't checked in lately and I was thinking of you and Anita this morning.  Anita needs your strength right now.  Wease I miss you.  Ashlynn pushed the button on the answering machine yesterday and your message from my birthday is the first one on there.  I had a small heart attack racing to the machine to make sure she didn't delete it.  It was good to hear your voice, but then it just made me realize we quickly coming upon a year since your diagnosis.  How could that have passed already?  I just found out that a little boy in Ashlynn's class, 20 months old was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer this week.  I can't even bare knowing what this little guys is going to go through and what his parents will go through in the coming months.  He was diagnosed a week ago and has already begun chemo.  I've had about enough of cancer and chemo this year.  Please support his family, help them have the strength.  You can guide them and Anita as they both carry heavy burdens. I'll push my own feet along for awhile.  My load doesn't seem quite so heavy right now.  Missing you, always.  Stacy

Wease - It's about 1:00am on 09/24/07. I couldn't sleep and then I realized that today it's been 5 months since you left us to go "home". It's hard to comprehend that you've been gone that long. I think of you so often throughout the course of each day. The smallest of things will bring a memory to mind. It's those times that I feel you're looking down and just checking in on me, letting me know that you're really not that far away.

When I think of you, I see you not only as an Angel but as a Guardian Angel. I'm sure that you're watching over all of us to make sure that we get through this crazy, chaotic thing called life. Each of us encounter our daily challenges and obstacles but right now Wease, Anita needs you more than any of us. As much as I miss you, I can't begin to imagine what she's been through. There are times in life that you just need the comfort of knowing that your mom is there. She needs that now more than ever. Hold her in your arms Wease, bring her peace and let her know that it's all going to be alright.

Take care of her and Don. The rest of us will be okay. I know you're there when I need you, just like when you were here. You have no idea how much I love and miss you...or maybe you do.

Hey Weasie.  I wanted to take a moment and say Happy Birthday.  I'm betting it's beautiful where you are and you are having a PERFECT day and I wouldn't wish for anything less for you.  I miss you.  Summer is winding down and I can't believe it's gone by without you.  The kiddies are getting ready to go back to school.  Carson starts this week - his first big day in Pre Kindergarten.  Natalie, Ethan and mommy go back the next week.  Time is passing too quickly.  I dreamt of you the other night . . . I'm not a dreamer, so I think you were just letting me know that you are right there all the time.  Keep pushing me, okay.  I still need everything I can get to make it through each and every day.  I miss you so much.  My poor heart just keeps aching and it won't stop.  Well, Wease - Happy Birthday.  I'll be thinking of you . . . sending warm thoughts your way.  I think I'm gonna listen to your message - today is a day that I could use to hear your voice.  I love you. 

Wease,
I just wanted to stop by and wish you a BEAUTIFUL birthday in Heaven. You will be on my mind all day today. I really thought by now that it would be getting easier but it seems that with each passing day I miss you more. I have a heart filled with so many wonderful memories but it feels incomplete. I know that there were so many more memories "that could have been" if you were still here. You've missed so much this summer and I just want to be able to pick up the phone or, better yet, sit out on your back porch and talk about it all over a cup of coffee. I would give anything to be able to see your smile or hear your laughter today. "Someday"...that's what I have to tell myself. Someday, we'll have an opportunity to talk and laugh together again. Until then, I'll hold the memories that I have close to my heart. Those memories make me smile, laugh and sometimes cry but I cherish every one of them.
Happy Birthday Wease.
Love ya',
Dave

My dearest sister, I love and miss you so very much.  I can't believe yesterday was 3 months since you went to your Heavenly home.  I've tried to write before but I just couldn't manage to start.  You are the first thought in the morning and the last thought at night.  I was so hoping you were going to come out and hang out on the beach with me this summer.   I remember us taking swimming lessons.   I was 18 and you were 28.  We felt so silly, cause we were so old. Remember when we'd go to Glendale swimming.  Those days were always so much fun.  I haven't been back to KY since you left.  I don't know if I can or not.  I got used to you coming over on Sunday after church.  When mom got to where she couldn't remember, I'd make a pot of coffee.  The last few sundays when I was home and you couldn't come for coffee.  I don't know, Sundays just weren't the same anymore.  I used to get so jealous of you and my kids, cause they were so close to you.  Now I hate ever having those feelings.  Cause you were their other mom.  They were so lucky to have had such an important part in your life. Thank you for being there for them all those times they needed you.  I just wish you could be here now cause I need you.  I'm lost and so alone without you.  I see things and I want to get the camera and send you a picture.  For a second I smile and then it hits me again.  You're gone.  I can't talk to you or e-mail you.  I can't hear you laugh.  You had a beautiful laugh.  That's when I'm most alone and my chest aches from the huge hole you've left in my heart.  I love and miss you so very much. 

Hey Wease.  Well, another of the kiddies birthdays just passed and I'm fighting the urge to check the mail because I'm waiting for your card.  You've been on my mind 24-7 the last couple of days and I think that's why.  Or maybe it's about time for you to call me and ask me when the kids go back to school and what they've been doing this summer.  I don't know, but everything feels fresh and everything that I see or do somehow reminds me of you.  Is it ever going to feel normal again?  Can it?  I wanted this summer with you . . . I never thought you'd be gone already.  I was going to rent a house there for the summer and spend the whole summer -- watching the kids and cooking out and of course eating tomatoes and just enjoying each day.  I should have come home more and seized the opportunities I had.  I should have brought the kids home more - we should have come for Christmas and I should have come in March when you had surgery.  So much time lost that I regret now and I can't undo it and I just want to.  I'm having one of those days that nothing makes sense and I can't get my bearings.  I might need a little push again, okay?  I can't even bring myself to listen to the messages anymore because it's just too painful and I need it to subside.  I need it to be bearable.  Dang it, Wease, can't you just come back for a little while?  I know, it would never be enough and I still wouldn't be ready to let go and I know that you are so much better off, but I can't move forward yet and maybe I never will. 

Hey Wease.  I just thought I'd check in for a bit.  The harder days seem to be getting a bit fewer, but I think it's simply disbelief.  I don't really believe in my heart anymore that you're gone.  I just know that I'm going to come back home this summer and you'll still be there waiting for me as always.  I guess just the monotony of life is settling back in and it feels like life is normal and it can't be normal if you're really gone.  I haven't cried in about a week, so I guess it's time to let it out now.  I'm sad at the thought of coming back to KY this summer and I'm not even sure if I can bring myself to do it.  The first home coming without you will be the hardest.  At least as the plane landed last time, I knew you were still with us and I had a chance to talk to you and there was some chance that a miracle might keep you with us.  I know, I know.  There I go again being selfish wanting to keep such a beautiful angel trapped here in this place, but I just can't help myself. I guess I've just been sitting here contemplating life changes and facing my fears and I am numb again and can't make my dang feet move in the right direction and I need that little nudge.  I listen to your message every couple of days that starts with "hey baby girl" and ends with "I love you" and I can't believe that I have to cross the bridges that sit before me without you.  Oh Wease.  I think I just believed you were invincible and I can't bring my self to believe anything else.  Well, I'm going to try to get these fat feet moving.  I've got much yet to do in this life and I don't have time to just sit around and cry.   

Hey Wease - It's about 4am on May 24th. I've been trying to sleep and just can't. It's hard to believe that you've been gone a month today. I miss you so much. I think about you everyday and sometimes the memories bring tears. Other times, they bring laughter. Right now, the tears are flowing. I feel like I could write for days and not begin to touch the surface of how much you were a part of my life. I read Anita's last post and have to agree with her about your driving. Many years ago, when you had that maroon Oldsmobile, I remember a group of us going to a George Jones concert in Louisville. On the way home, on I-65, you were talking about how pretty the moon was and just kept watching it and talking about it while driving straight ahead. However, the road wasn't following the moon's path that night and it curved. After we recovered from thinking we were going to climb the guardrail, we laughed the rest of the way home. It's hard to think of a time when we weren't laughing about something, regardless of how crazy. I think that's what I miss most...the laughter. Whenever I was down, I could come to your house and between Don's jokes and you rolling your eyes at some of his stories, I always left feeling better. I need that now Wease. I'd give anything to hear that laughter. Regardless of what may have been going on in your personal life, you always had that knack for bringing a ray of sunshine into the lives of others. I want so much to be able to pickup the phone and see if you can meet me at "Bub's Cafe" for lunch like we used to do. Well, you have a BEAUTIFUL day in Heaven. Just know that you will be on my mind all day today. I'll try to stop by here more often so that we can reminisce more. I love you Wease, more than you could ever know.

Hey Mom,

I haven't been on here for a few days, it is so hard to think about you being gone.  Today when I was coming home from work,  I saw a silver car, and I gave it a passing glance to see if it was you.  Then I realized that it wasn't and never would be you.   We have had a lot of fun together in the car.  Everyone who ever rode with you laughs because we all got to experience running off the side of the road.  I can hear you right now saying that you never run off the road when you are by yourself.  I never believed that for a minute.  I can hear you laughing about the time I almost climbed over the seat going around the curve by Southern States because I thought a car was in our lane going the wrong way.  I can see your hand over your mouth with your eyes almost closed and tears of laughter streaming down your face.  I miss it so much.  I think one of the funniest times I remember was the trip to the Smokeys when David thought the building we drove around over and over and over was falling down.  I thought that we never would find a place to stay.  I love you.  This is an evening I feel like crying.  I just want to talk to you.  I hope you have the internet. 

Me

Wease...you don't know how much you were a part of my life you ment so much to me you were funny.And in my heart you are always with me and i know you will always be with me and i know one day we will be together again and iknow you feel alot better and iknow you will watch all living life and i know you are in a beautiful place but i loved you very much i don't know how i could let you go i knowin heaven that you are living a peacful life i have lost 4 teeth and have 2 loose teeth i am going to loose all of my front teeth scary huh? you taught me so much

i wish you didn't have to go so soon  well until we meet again i love and miss you very very very much  see you in the after life.

It's me again, Wease.  I'm just missing you and wanted to say hey.  I have such a need to call you and chat, knowing that you would tell me what I need to hear.  I want to tell you that I finished my finals - and I made it, I've survived the first year of law school, and everyone says that's the worst and it's cake from here on out.  I want to tell you all about the field trip to the history museum I took with the kids on Friday.  I want to tell you that Ashlynn's first dang tooth just broke through yesterday.  She's 13 months.  I guess she's gonna be my late bloomer.  But I suppose that's okay, huh?  I haven't cried in a couple of days, so I'm thinking I'm due for the dam to break today and I suppose that's why I'm feeling this loneliness so strongly.  I just want to be able to tell you how I'm feeling and how much it hurts to lose you right now.  I keep thinking that one day I'll get up and I won't quite feel broken, but that day hasn't come yet.  Darn it, Wease.  I miss you.  It's just too soon.  I don't know if I can get through this.  I needed to have you for at least one more summer - a summer where we could cook out and I could eat all the salsa and coke in the house and steal all the ripe tomatoes because that's what I do and I just need that right now.  My world still fails to make sense again and I'm trying to be patient and wait because I know it will, but it needs to hurry up.  I guess I just need a little push from you today, just the slightest nudge and I'll get moving again and then I'll be just fine.  So, push me, okay.  I'll be waiting . . .

Wease - I feel like I've lost my direction right now.  You were a beacon and when I was lost, you always found me and guided me.  Right now I can't make sense of anything.  The phone rings and I want it to be you.  I listen to the last couple of messages you left me over and over again, just longing to hear your voice one more time.  You have absolutely no idea the part you played in my life and this space in my heart is breaking into a million pieces constantly.  I can't make it stop, even though I know that you are in such a beautiful place and I know in my heart that you have found eternal happiness and peace.  I miss you so much.  I keep waiting for Ashlynn's birthday card to come in the mail.  I keep expecting to get your email asking how finals are going.  I don't know how to let you go, Wease.  I selfishly want to keep you with me forever.  I know you're watching over me and now, you're getting to see the kids do all those things that distance has kept you from for so long.  I bet you saw Natalie's three goals yesterday, huh?  She was pretty amazing and I know you were so proud.  I told you that you had to be my guardian angel, my beautiful angel.  I need you here.  So, you stay behind me and keep pushing me.  You have to make my feet keep moving, even when I don't want them to or feel like they are just too heavy.  I feel like the whole world should stop. It can't go on without you.  How can anyone go on daily not feeling this enormous pain that stays in my chest?  I'm strong, just like you.  I'll get through this, and all those things you've taught me, all those beautiful qualities that you've showed me all these years will continue to shine through.  I told you, Wease, I'll strive to be a better person each and every day because you would have wanted that, and you would have expected that from me.  That is your legacy that I will continue.  I so wanted you to be at my graduation, you would have been so proud of me for finishing law school -- and you'll still be there, won't you? We'll get there, together.  Thank you for everything you've been and everything you've done.  I tucked you away into a special corner of my heart - that's my Wease zone.  And I'll keep you there forever.  Someday I won't shed these tears, but simply smile at the joy each memory brings me.  I already keep catching myself chuckling as I remember your telling of the "big mouth frog" joke.  I heard that joke at least a dozen times and loved it every time.  I will love you always and forever. 

There are so many things I could say about the wonderful person my mom was and off all the positive things that she did or said that made a lasting impression on me or someone she met.  She told me that there is something good in every day, even if it is just waking up and getting out of bed.  She loved God and wanted all of her family and friends to know him and find salvation.  She shared her love and support with many people, even without them knowing sometimes.  Her laughter was one of my favorite memories.  I love her and miss her, but I know she is walking with the Lord.  The things she taught me and showed me will never fade from my heart.

"Wease" - I could fill this entire page with my own memories. You and Don have both held such a special place in my life and in my heart. With your never faltering zest for life, there's no doubt in my mind that you are "Dancing With the Angels". I only hope that one day I can be half the person that you were to me and to so many others. Someday, we'll have a lot of catching up to do. Keep the coffee warm until I get there. Love and miss you.